I feel like crying

I just can't explain it lately. I'm out of it. I don't want anything to do with Christmas this year. Usually my favorite holiday. I have a head cold. I have no money. I went shopping last weekend with Todd, and we got a lot of shopping done. But looking forward to this weekend, I have to take the kids to see Santa and buy a picture ($), get the usual ornaments I get every year ($, $). Buy something for my step-mom ($), something else for my sister ($). Something for Todd ($$$), pay for daycare ($). Maybe have some $$ left over to buy lunch next week and already I'm -$$$$$$$$$. Husband has money and if I ask, I'm sure he'll give me some to finish up the shopping. But I hate the feeling of not having my own money. It's like asking Dad for my allowance. I work hard all week long to help support our family and at the end of the week, I have almost NOTHING left to show for it. I hate it. I hate feeling like a deadbeat. I hate feeling like I don't contribute. I'm behind on a bunch of bills because my daycare amount doubled. No matter what I do I feel like I can't dig out of the hole I'm in and it only makes it worse because I feel like such a bad mom. I hate that I'm not excited for the Princess' first Christmas. I hate that I haven't sent out Christmas cards, or started/finished the photo book I wanted to give for Christmas. I hate that even if I was done with the book, I couldn't afford to order it anyways. I hate that I have a bunch of Thank you's to mail, but can't afford the postage. You might wonder why I don't just ask Todd for money, because. Because he spends his money on more important things, like the house payment and the water bill and the gas and electric. I can't barely even afford to buy any groceries and now I should ask him for money to buy stamps???? I just hate it.