Lots Of Things About Me

1. I love the way a new box of Crayola Crayons smells.
2. I don't like rice crispys bars or marshmellows.
3. I waited until I was 18 years old to have sex for the first time.
4. I HATE tuna fish. I once threw up an entire can of it in Perkins, and haven't eaten it since. I was 6 at the time.
5. I love all 80's music.
6. I once spent 2 weeks trying to find the $0.05 mistake in my checkbook so that it would balance.
7. I love to cook but hate to do the dishes.
8. My husband proposed to me while driving down the road, smoking a cigarette.
9. I love red roses and lilacs.
10. I believe in fate & karma. Things happen for a reason.
11. I only drink ice tea in the summer months. It's summer drink.
12. I love to watch baseball and football. I'd rather watch them on TV, at home on the couch than in person.
13. The first time I ever got drunk was at a neighbor's graduation party. It was the summer before I went in to 8th grade. My dad took me home passed out.
14. I HATE when girls refer to their guy at "Mr. Big". There is only 1 Mr. Big and he was on Sex in the City.
15. I've had my license suspended for too many speeding tickets.
16. I owned my first home at 21.
17. I own chaps and wore them in Sturgis.
18. I have 5 brothers and 1 sister. My youngest brother is 1.5 years younger than my son.
19. I grew up on a farm and don't know how to drive a tractor, but know how to bail hay.
20. I used to clean new construction houses as a job in high school.
21. I have been to Mexico deep sea fishing and caught some Yellow Fin.
22. I moved to California when I was 19 for 4 months.
23. I have moved 10 times in 7 years.
24. I don't eat leftovers but will put them in the fridge anyways, just so I can throw them out later.
25. I used to mark my sox with nail polish so they were easy to match up when clean.
26. I like to drink my Morgan with Diet Coke, but will usually drink Diet Pepsi, if there is no Morgan in it.
27. I once sold all my Cd's and bought all Christian one to replace them.
28. I am a 34B.
29. I used to crash weddings in high school for something to do on weekends, so I could dance.
30. I am the calm one in a crisis.
31. I have met Chi Chi Rodriguez and have his autograph. He's very funny.
32. I love to scrapbook, but hardly ever do.
33. I will drive across country to move a family member and have done it several times. I LOVE A ROAD TRIP!
34. I have never broken a bone and my only stitches were for my C-section.
35. My parents got divorced when I was 8.
36. I love Chinese food.
37. Things I'm good at -- being a mom, organizing, budgeting, scrap booking, doing laundry, cooking and baking, balancing a checkbook.
38. I will drunkenly call you over and over and over again until you shut your phone off in the middle of the night, at which point I will keep calling and leaving you random songs on your voicemail. Because at 3 am I am a REALLY good singer.

Is it time for a new picture...

I have been hesitant to put up pictures of myself or of Blue on this site. I don't really know why. Sites like Dooce.com and Greek Tragedy.com do it all the time. I suppose I have some sick fear of someone finding me, and then killing me based off a picture I put up of KM in his Halloween costume. Seems strange I know. But then I also think of the sites listed about. They are doing fantastically well as far as readers, and from what I can tell they make a decent living with it too. Is this because the people who read their sites feel like the know them, because they have seen their faces? Do they want to come back every day to look at their faces? Do they want to read more because they have seen their faces? The world may never know. But I am thinking it may be time to come out of hiding. So if I can figure out a good way to post some pictures here (and by good, I mean easy), I will do it.

Update: As you can see, I caved. Enjoy!

Day 8, Post 6

So I'm a little behind on this blogging thing for the NaBloPoMo. I'm a rookie and am not used to this rigorous schedule of blogging EVERY DAY. The computer fiasco of 2007 is somewhat behind us. We now have an external hard drive, have all of Blue's baby pictures and are getting a new computer. (Scratch that.... most of his baby pictures... SAD FACE!) The only thing we are still missing is the information on Quickbooks, but hopefully if we re-install the software it will come back. It looks like all the files are there, we just can't get to them until we re-install.

Go over to my NaBloPoMo page and check it out. Leave me a loving message. And what's the most fun of all this for me is that over there I tell you to come back here. It's like one of those blonde jokes, how do you keep a blonde busy all day? Give them a card that says "see other side" on both sides. ha ha ha ha ha

Now that you've heard the dumbest joke of the day... go over and check it out.

Doughnuts

This morning Blue took it upon himself to take the doughnuts out from under the desk at daycare and carry them downstairs under his chubby little arm, open them up and eat them. In his defense, he was not the only kid to do so. He had 2 accomplices. They each carried one package. If you're keeping track, that's 3 kids and 3 packages of doughnuts.





They thought it was SO VERY funny. They were laughing and giggling and carrying on as 2 and 3 year olds do. All of a sudden, Wickty (my day care lady/aunt) heard them and they were saying "doughnuts, doughnuts". This is not normally a word they say a lot. She went to investigate, and sure enough the little shits were knee deep in doughnuts.





I don't know how many they got down before she found them, but I'm going to guess at least 2 apiece. This is also not the first time she has found them huddled together eating things they should not be eating. On his last 2 (and first 2) birthdays -- I brought cupcakes to Wickty's house to share. The first year they only made a mess at the table because they were really to small to eat them carefully. But on his 2nd birthday, they (and I don't remember which they's exactly) managed to get them off the counter, and under Dabid's desk and half eaten before Wickty found them. MESSY! Frosting everywhere, and believe me I got a phone call about it. I told her she should have been watching him more closely.



NoBloMoPo -- Day 7

Posts -- 5

I'll try to catch up with 2 extra posts.

BIRTHDAY Update

It has been a good day....



Free coffee this morning (Thanks Caribou!)

Lots of calls to wish me a "happy to you day"

Lunch with friends (who bought!)

Lots of laughs over a work thing -- it would take a long time to write, but it was really funny!

Leaving work early

Dinner with friends tonight.



I'm glad everything fell into place on a day all about me!

BIRTHDAY!!

Today is my birthday and already I've had quite a few phone calls to wish me a happy one. This morning, Husband brought Blue in to bed with me. Todd was leaving for work and Blue was already up (he doesn't know that he can sleep in with the time change). So I got to have a few wonderful minutes with him snuggled in beside me. He was warm and cuddly and even tickeled my back and sang me Happy Birthay. It was a fantastic way to wake up.

What I'm asking for: Todd to pay my speeding ticket. Strange I know, but if he pays it, I can spend the money on myself instead.

Dinner tonight with friends at home and then on Friday with friends and family out.

Why is it that when you have to work on your birthday it's a crying shame? Shouldn't it be like a national holiday that I was born and that I get to do whatever it is that I want and not have to sit at a desk?!

Maybe next year. Until then, I'm going to try to keep up with the NoBloPoMo --it's not going very well so far, but much better than I had anticipated. I have gotten 3 posts in this month and we are only on the 6th day -- I am WAY ahead of my usual pace.

Dentist = Hell

I have a new dentist. My other dentist kicked me out of his practice for not going for a long time. This seems strange I know. But he has MS and is scaling back and really I hadn't been there in 5 or more years and he is no where near where I live now. So it's not a big deal, but when it comes to change I am usually easy going, but with a dentist it's different.

The dentist was great, but still he's a DENTIST! He was nice, and checked on me a lot, to make sure I was feeling no pain and was comfortable, but still he's a dentist and I don't like going.

My tooth is fine now, hurt for a little while, but other wise doing good. I have to go back for the other half of my crown in a few weeks. YUCK. So not looking forward to that day. I guess I have to suck it up and be an adult, especially since I will have to take Blue rather soon and I can't go passing on my disdain for the dentist to him. I'll let him decide on his own how much he hates it, or likes it.

I can't get there from here

Blue has never been cuter. This morning he was telling me that I wasn't his best fwend. That daddy was his best fwend. And when I asked him how come I couldn't be his best fwend, he said because daddy's his best fwend. Then about 2 minutes later, he had changed his mind, and guess what mommy?! You can be my best fwend! Oh I can? Yes you can be my best fwend, and daddy's my best fwend too!

I love these conversations. They are about nothing, but so much at the same time.

Yesterday they went on a nature walk for "school" time at daycare. They learned about the leaves, and the different colors. The neighbor was nice enough to talk to them about the deer that come and eat his apples and rub up against the tree. Blue stood there and listened intently. He was sucking his thumb and rubbing the cuff of his shirt. I hate that I miss things like this. I know we can go on our own walks and do our own things. I guess it just makes me think of how I would really like to be at home with him. I like my job, most days. And it helps to pay the bills, and some days I just can't deal with him. But I think overall, I would really like to be a stay at home mom.

For now, we'll just keep doing what we're doing. In the mean time, maybe I can get some writing done. Maybe....

Blue's New Words

5/23/07
• Beggy Ache -- Belly Ache
• You pitty's? -- Are those your pretty's (hair things)?
• Fordy Wee-were -- 4 Wheeler
• Daddy some pot corn too? -- He was lying, saying Dad wanted some more popcorn, when really it was Blue who wanted more.
• I Muss Oooo Amma -- I miss you Amma.
• Gampa, Gupa, Papa JB, Gampa Mark -- there are all differnt people
• Me some too? -- Can I have some?
• Damn It! -- Well, what can I say, he's a quick learner! This is used in correct context of when you would actually shout it.
• Backhoe at Rogers house -- Our friend had there backhoe over at our house, and then moved it to the town of Rogers, Blue calls it Roger's house, we even stop by on the way home and see him work at "Rogers house"
• Bobtat -- bobcat, he can drive all by himself, just needs to sit on someone's lap to reach the controls.

• ****** UPDATED ******** 6/8/07
• You break you teeth daddy, You get a new one?!
• Dat's enough?
• Can't see ober der -- I can't see over there.
• I did -- Blue, you need to eat your dinner, his standard answer, "I did". Do you have stinkin pants -- "I did".

This won't last long..

Husband has been out of town the last few days, with the boys at an auction in 'Ca-go (as Blue calls it, everyone else refers to it as Chicago). The had plenty of fun, actually probably more than they should have. While he has been gone Blue has wanted to snuggle at bedtime. He goes to bed as usually with no fuss, but then wakes up a few times wanting Mama. So I go in there and pick him up. He just wants to be held for a few mintues. It's so nice to hold him and snuggle a bit. Then I sing a song and he goes back to bed. I will miss these days in the future. He is so warm and cuddly.

Last night we had our friends over for dinner. The 3 goof balls who went to 'Ca-go, Keg-gie, Nafan and Blue and I. When we were eating they were giving each other crap about the trip. Singleton was watching out the window and a girl ran by. He said he might have to take up jogging and pretended to leave the table. Husband told him to "Go get some", then Blue started in and kept saying "Go get some, Go get some, Go get some..." It's a lot funnier when a 2 year old is telling you to get some.

Blue has started talking to himself. It is so cute to watch. He thinks no one is paying attention or listening. He talks in more than one voice. He asks dad if he wants some nummies, then "dad" answers in a deeper voice, and they have a conversation while eating their nummies. I could sit and watch him talk to himself for hours. The are so precious and innocent and cute at this age. I mostly wish he would never grow up past this age. Except maybe for the potty training part.

Everything he does lately I have been trying to pay extra close attention to it. I know the days of his cuteness and baby-ness, and innocence are numbered and I will have to stretch my mind to remember them. So I have been trying to write more things down and to use the video camera more. It's a work in progress, but I am taking the steps in the right direction to preserve his youth.

Who cares about mama

The weekend was a success. We made the trip to Montana one more time to get my cousin. This will be the last road trip, for a while anyways. She is staying put in MN for now. Lots of good times were had by all. We met a new friend and she is wonderful. She was very hospitable, gracious and funny. She let us overtake her house and play with her kitty.

We got home at midnight Sunday/Monday. After sleeping for a few hours, we got up and went to get KM, he was staying with Papa. He could not have cared less that I was there to get him. It was Amma he wanted to see. Said hi to me, but then ran by to give her hugs and "I muss you's". He wanted nothing to do with me. I guess that's what I get for abandoning him for 3 days with the dreaded Papa. All they did was ride 40-wee-were, and watch baseball, and chase the birds, and go into town for treats, and every thing else Blue wanted to do. What was I thinking when I left him in such hell?!

It was nice to have a few days alone, without all the chasing and running, and keeping him off the road. But I made up for that yesterday with the graduation party we were at. Oh boy, with the running. Does he every stop, or at least slow down? I guess I'll have time to rest, when I'm dead, which might be soon, if he keeps up all this running. I am too out of shape to be a mom, at least to one as active as he is. Goodness Sakes!

Then when we got home, long after his strict bedtime, he needed to go in the tub for the third time that day (the first 2 weren't needed, but Amma thought he should have them). He had diaper rash from the weekend. Anyways, there was lots and lots of crying. Blue was tired, had been woken up from the cat nap in the truck, had an oowie butt and was in an all around funk. So we put him in the tubby, soaked his butt and put him in is favorite jammies. Then he sat and snuggled with dad on the couch. The read a book twice then off to bed. Seems like he never wants to snuggle with mama when he is tired, only daddy.

I miss the days when he was my little snuggle bunny, when we would nap together. He is a major daddy's boy. I guess that's what I get for letting him grow up. The little turkey, why can't he stay 6-12 months old for a little longer. Just a few more months, then I'll let him turn 2. Maybe the next one will listen better when I tell them they can't get any older, at least not until I am ready.

Happy Mother's Day ... To Me!

We had a great mother's day. I woke up to the KM with his nose about an inch from mine saying "Happy Mommies Day, Open peasants? (presents)". So we got up and opened peasants. They got me a really cool new oven mitt I wanted and a under cabinet mount radio/CD player. Which was also installed on Sunday -- this sort of thing never happens at our house.

The Few, The Proud, The Soldiers

There hasn't been much to say lately. Life has been boring. But coming up was always something that would change our whole family, and I know I have been avoiding thinking about it, talking about it, or even living it.

My cousin was going to be deplyed at first to Oklahoma, then to Iraq. He is in OK now, and will be back for a short bit this summer. But then he will be gone for, I'm guessing, 18 months. It's hard to watch from the outside. His fiance and 2 little girls are missing him like crazy. Not to mention the rest of the family. I can't even imagine what it would be like to miss out on that much time with my baby. Some days he drives me crazy, but I wouldn't trade that for all the tea in China.

I am hoping to do the best that I can to help out with the family. We are the ones that live the closest to them. I am going out west to bring my other cousin home (his sister). She needs to be closer to the family, and we need her to be here too.

I try not to think about it right now, he's only in training at the moment. But soon, he will be overseas, and everyday will be hard. Much harder for him than us, but hard none the less. Do you go on living life, like nothing has changed? How could you do that, knowing that it has, at least for now. How do you keep him up to date on what the kids do? How do you have a marriage from thousands of miles away? How do I write a letter, what do I say?

I worry that he won't come back and I know everyone else worries the same thing. I try not to think about it, but if it doesn't even cross my mind, would it be even tougher to deal with if I hadn't even thought about it? I like to think that sending out good karma his way will help keep him safe, but I don't want to be completely shocked either if something happened, even if he lived through the something, I think I need to be mentally prepared for almost anything. I won't be much good to others if I am mentally paralized at what has happened. Maybe it's the mom in be coming out, but I need to be useful to others in a time of need.

For now, I guess I will go on thinking that live is a bowl full of cherries, but soon, I will need to think about all the "if's".

Phone Calls and Memories

This morning I got a most unusual message on my phone, I guess not really considering the source. It was pretty much par for the course from her. It was from my friend/cousin. It was a message playing "My Town" -- Montgomery Gentry. This is one of my favorite things to send and receive. A song, between us, that is special to us, and only "us" knows why this song means anything, and every time we hear this song we think of each other. The "us" could have more than one song or only one song. But I love that no matter where we are, or what we are doing, we stop for a moment, re-connect and go back in time, to the time when that song turned from just any old song, to OUR song.

The particular song takes me back to the summer I was going to get married and my friend/cousin and I would pick up a six pack of Busch Lite and drive the hour and half from where we lived in the cities, to my home town. We would do this more than once a week and usually on a week night, where the next day we had to be back in the cities to work, at a very early hour. It makes me think of the windows down, sun shining, wind blowing, radio cranked up, stuck in traffic. And as soon as I think of how the windows were down, it reminds me of another memory, my husband who decided that our home town was "His Town", so when the song came on for him he would roll down the windows and drive around "His Town". He had to "make the rounds" as he called it, to check on "His Town". This is exactly why we would roll down the windows when ever we heard this song.

I love that forever, whenever I hear that song, I will think of here and she will think of me. I miss the days when we young, and wild and free, and usually drunk! Life was so much simpler back then (all 4 years ago). We did what ever we wanted and on weekends were usually a 6 pack in by Noon. I distinctly remember, shoes off, sun shining down on us, slight wind blowing, and we were ankle deep in the only mud puddle we could find. It couldn't have been more than 5 sq ft big. But it was enough to get our toes dirty.

Time will never be like that again, but I will always treasure the memories we made driving down the road, and it makes me look forward to the road trips of the future.

Baby not on the way...

We have trying/not trying to get pregnant for about a year. Not overly seeking, but doing nothing to prevent it either. In the last few months, I decided it's something I think I could do again. My first pregnancy was fairly uneventful, no major health problems and no major complications, but still wondered everyday why people do this more than once. I get it now. Once they are no longer babies, you begin to miss it terribly. Every day I was excited for Blue to learn something new and to hit his next milestone. I still am, but I miss him being so little. He is much easier to live with now. He can feed him self and walk. He can help get dressed and pick up the toys. He can tell you what he wants -- Milt (milk) or jooosh (juice). But he is growing up fast, and I feel like I am taking it for granted.

I was really good at keeping up with his baby book when he was smaller, now I haven't seen it in probably 3 months. I take a lot of pictures of him, but am bad a writing down the things he says. I will miss his voice and actually am already starting to miss it. He used to say Gup-pa. Now he says Gam-pa. I want him to forever refer to my dad as Gup-pa, but that was clearly short lived. He calls our friend Keg-ie. Soon, it will be her real name. I just want him to stay this age forever, or at least for a few more years, until I am done with him being 2, which I know will take much more than a year.

I decided a few weeks before his birthday that this is the year I am going to HATE the most. It seems a bit harsh but it's true. Now at his 2 year birthday, he is still part baby. But by his 3rd birthday, he will be all BOY and NO baby. He will be talking in full sentences, and asking "Why?" about everything. He will do things on his own, and go to Pre-School. He will not ask me to sing "The Big Cow" song (Mama, don't let your baby's grow up to be cowboys, Willie Nelson) any more and want to play in his room with out us. I am SO VERY NOT ready for all of this. As much as he doesn't' need me, I NEED him to need me. It makes my life make sense. And thus, ladies and gentleman, this is why people have more than one child, so they can torture themselves with these emotions and feelings year after year, as each child grows up and doesn't need them any more. This is exactly why people who swore they would never have more than one child, have more than one child.

They need to feel needed again. I need to feel needed again. I don't miss the waking up in the middle of the night, or the breast feeding (well maybe just a little), I don't miss having to make sure we had formula everywhere we went or even the price of formula, but I know it's all worth it, every stinkin' bit of it when Blue sits with me on the "cow-ch" and snuggles in, because he is trying to delay bedtime. And even though he thinks he's pretty smart, I actually tell him it's bedtime about 20 minutes before it actually is so he will snuggle with me and have me sing "The Big Cow" song.

It's all worth it when he gives big hugs and kisses at bedtime. I love him so much. And that is why we are willing to do it again, and again and again.

Missing my husband

My dearest love of my life was out of town for a few days and as much as I didn't think I would miss him too much, I really, really did. We have been away from each other before and for about the same amount of days. But for some reason this time was different. Maybe it was the snow (we got about 18 - 20"), or maybe it's that Blue is so much busier now, or maybe I just love him that much more than I used too. I felt very alone, and very helpless, with everything. Not that he shovels the snow (some one else comes and plows it -- we're lucky, I know), or not that he does all the cooking (we share this duty), not that he takes Blue to daycare (I always have), but this time, I was missing him terribly. I guess I felt like the protector of the house was gone, and what if...... he wouldn't be there to save us. Normally when we hear a weird, loud, different noise in the house he tries to send me to look. I tell him that's the husbands job. These thoughts are kind of all over, but I really missed him this trip. We were fine and plenty of things to do. But the snow was romantic and we were snowed in and he wasn't there to share it with us.

I realized (not that this is even close to a comparison, but it's the closest I have) that when my cousin had to go back to MT, and she was missing her man, I could see what she was feeling. Now they are totally different because Husband was coming back in 6 days, she doesn't know when she'll see Him again. But leaving someone you love, or having them leave you, even if only for a short time, makes you think about how much you love them. It makes you think about how life is so much different when they are not there. It makes you think of all the things life would not be, if they are not there, or if they were never there. I could see why she was so very sad. I'll admit that I even cried. Sappy, sappy girl, I know. But things have been going so well in our family lately. We have been having dinner together every night, talking, playing with Blue and enjoying life like people should do. Maybe I was just sad that it would not be like this for a few days.

My husband makes me want to be a better mom. I sometimes run out of patience with Blue and he is there to pick up where I am failing. He is the playful one, and I am the laundry, dinner, read the books before bed time mom. Blue and I have a different routine when he is not around. We snuggle more on the couch (after a long day at work, I just don't always feel like running around), we read books and learn new words and count and sing the ABCB's (that is not a typo -- that's what he calls them). When dad is around they play more and run and "fight" and play ball. I guess I should cherish this time because when dad is around, sometimes it's like I don't' exist. Only time for dad.

I try not to focus on bad things, but what if he didn't come back, or what if something happened to us while he was gone. Would he get on a plane and come home, would he send my mom to make sure all was well, would he just not worry about it? I pretty sure I know the answer (#1) but I got to thinking.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I am glad he'll be home today and I'm glad that he picked me to marry him.

Another worry for another day: What if we can't have more babies? This has been on my mind a lot lately and I'll have to write it out one day.

Happy To You!

Blue turned 2 on Friday. He is the most adorable thing EVER! On Thursday night, we were on our way home from daycare and I was singing Happy Birthday to you, to him, and he kept saying "Mo Happy To You now mommy" and by Mo he means More. So we sang it about 15 more times before we had to move on to singing "Mo Ducky Wuddle now" (Little Ducky Duddle).

Saturday we went to a bridal shower, in the crappy icy rain that was falling, but couldn't stay too long as we had to get back for naps and his own birthday party. We had a few people cancel with the foot of snow that was falling, but most everyone showed up. We even had some over night guests. 6 to be exact. Which was interesting, because we only have 1 guest room (who needs more than one in house -- I guess we do now), we have 2 couches, 2 love seats and 1 Aero bed. It was a full house. We stayed up too late, including the little ones. Blue was up until 1.45 AM! This is unheard of. He has a strict 8 pm bedtime. Then he was up again by 7.30 am Sunday morning. We made breakfast and had a good time relaxing.

Probably the biggest event of the weekend was not that he turned 2, or that my husband had to drive a 2 hour round trip to get the cake (which he fully admits was COMPLETELY worth it after tasting it), or the fact that Blue was a party animal. It was that he got his first hair cut on Sunday. One of our friends to spent the night brought her cutting stuff with for the sole purpose of giving him a hair cut. One I have been pushing off for as long as I could. He is still my little baby, he still had baby curls and a baby face and baby fine locks. But now he had short man hair and I don't like it, except that he looks really cute. But I will full on admit that I cried and I am still not ready to let go of him being a baby. My husband laughed and laughed and said that it's okay, but it's SO not okay. This to me is like going off to college and I was so not ready to let go. He looks good, but some how in the 10 minutes he sat so still and quiet and so very good, he turned in to a whole nother person. He speech seemed clearer and he seemed to walk a little taller and he seems so much older than 2 and I don't like that. Probably the highlight of the day was that he was really cuddly on the couch and this made it a little better that he is a big boy now. He still needed me to hold him and snuggle him, but it also made me sad that he was no longer the baby I would like to keep him at. Sad that he won't be doing this much longer and eventually he will even hate being seen with me. My poor husband, oh the things he will have to put up with in the future.


Blue is 2 and it seems like just yesterday he was wearing the outfit my 5 month old brother came to the party in. This also didn't help letting him be a big boy. He is talking so much and so clear lately and I know it's only going to get better, but I still think back to when he was so small. The difference a year makes. This time last year, he could say mama, dada, and puppy. Now he can say about 200 words, if not more. He walks and runs and jumps and plays hide and seek. He likes to read books and play with trains. He wants to go saaping (shopping) and go for rides. He loves it when Amma comes or Gupa, or Papa JB. He wants to see Cuncle Dake and cries when he leaves. He barely knew these people a year a go (at least he didn't know their names or even really by sight). He wants to play baaaball (baseball) and run and chase. He loves to squeal and knows he goes to Wickty's house every day.

It doesn't really make me want to have another one, as much as it makes me miss all the things I probably won't remember, which really only makes me sad. We hurried him through baby-ness and now I regret it a little. We wanted him to roll over right away, and sit up and stand and walk and talk, and now he does so many things on his own, and I feel like I missed so much of him being a baby. I didn't savor it. Why did I push him so hard to learn to sit up, what if he really didn't want to yet? What if we never have another baby, he was my only chance and I didn't take the time to lock away those memories? I don't write as many things down as I should and what if I forget everything from his childhood? What if I have NO stories to tell him when he gets older, because I was busy doing something else instead of enjoying him for being him? Maybe this is why I am not ready to have him be a big boy, because I am not done having my baby around. I guess I will just have to try harder to make sure he knows that his childhood was all that I could make it be.

One of those days...

Having one of those days, where I refuse to work. Don't feel like doing anything. Don't feel like getting anything done. I have no sense of accomplishment today, and that's okay. Miss my baby and want to be home giving him kisses and taking a nap.

New car you say --- It's yours!

Blue, I know you are only 23 months and 15 days, but if you want a new car, it's yours. Or a new toy, or a trip to Disney World, ALL YOURS. Actually anything you can think of, you can have it. After last night, I am at your service and forever will be. On the ride home last night, out of no where and with no prompting from me, you blurted out from the back seat, "I wuv you mommy." For no other apparent reason, than you actually do "Wuv Me". You also said it to daddy when we got home. But when I asked you to repeat it to daddy later on, you just kept saying that you "Wuv Mommy". Which means that, you can have anything, whatever it is that your little heart desires, it's all yours. And from what I can gather all that you want is to "Pay Choo Choo's" with me when we get home. You asked and asked on the way to daycare today. You also asked for a tubby on the way home last night. Which I think is great, because it must remind you of Amma, because every time you are with her for more than a minute, she gives you a tubby. She just love, love, LOVES the way you smell after bath time. Like a little tiny baby, even though you are now almost 2, it makes her think of 2 years ago when you were so small and so new and so very much the first grandchild. She also will forever be at your service, because when asked "Who's baby are you?" The most common reply is "Amma's Bebe". Followed quickly by a "My Bebe" because you think we are talking about your blanket. So very protective of you blanket you are. You actually hit the girls at daycare who DARE to touch your blanket. It and you have been given many time outs over it. But it's yours and you understand that. You are also starting to understand what a "Time Out" is. You are so very smart and because of that, we know you are ours.

I love you, Baby!

Love, Mommy.

I say Peeeaaasss!

Blue is very good with his manners. He will say please for everything. He know that he will get nothing with out the magic word. Other wise known as the word that follows "What do you say?" Peas! But lately, if we don't immediately jump on his request after one small "peas", he he will start rubbing his belly (My cousin taught him the sign for please by rubbing your chest -- his version is a little lower, but he gets the idea), anyways, he rubs his belly and starts yelling, "I say PEAS!". He knows what he is suppose to say in order to get what he wants, so when you don't jump, he yells. It is so very funny. He is way to smart for his own good. He'll say it again and again until you get it for him. Then he will say Thank. He is working on the You. Sometimes it's Thank, sometimes Thank You. So I have been following up with a "You're Welcome." Sunday, he was asking, so I gave him what he wanted then he said Thank You, I said You're Welcome. Thank You, You're Welcome, Thank You, You're Welcome, then finally he started saying I Welcome, I Welcome, I Welcome. Again, to smart, he figured out that he was the You're.

He'll be 2 at the end of the month, and I am dreading his birthday. I am not ready for terrible 2's. He's learning the ABC's, and counting. He can do some of these already, or at least has a pretty good start on it, but right now, he won't sing the ABC's like he used to, he wants me to sing them, always once forward and once backwards. But when he knows them himself, he won't ask me to sing them anymore and this hurts my heart. It will be one of the many things I have to let go of and I am SO not ready to start that yet. That I guess is just the job of the mom is to learn to let go and let them grow up. I just want to keep him little for as long as I can, "I say Peas!" Doesn't that count for anything....

Pool Tables and clean houses

Saturday we went looking for a pool table --but since my husband his cheap (in a good way) he couldn't make a decision and we have yet to purchase. Drove all over looking for one. Went to 5 places and put on about 300 miles doing so. But in all the shopping, I got new shoes!

Then when we got home, my mom, who had been watching Blue had cleaned up almost all of my Christmas decorations and most of the house. I'm so glad she's alive.

She is such a God-send. I can count on her for anything and everything.

Joe and not for lack of trying

Blue knows his own name but refuses to say it around us. He also knows my aunts name (she does our daycare), but refuses to say that as well. Usually she asks, "what's my name?" and he says MOM. They go back and forth. The other day he finally said it, a bunch of times so I knew it wasn't a fluke. Yesterday, she asked what her name was and he said MOM. So she said, where's Blue and he pointed to himself. She said "no, your name is Joe." For the rest of the day, he would point at himself and say "Joe". I guess that reverse psychology doesn't work on toddlers.

I just found out that one of my friends is having another baby, and is due in August. Pretty exciting. We have been trying ourselves to have another one and so far nothing. I don't get too worked up about it and for a long time, I wasn't ready to have another one. We found out I was pregnant a week before Blue's first birthday last year and I was scared to death. How will I handle 2 kids in diapers, 2 in car seats, 2 to pack up in the morning, 2 to haul in to daycare, 2 to feed, 2 to clothe, 2 to spend time with, 2 to PAY FOR? I wasn't sure I could handle it, at least when he was so small. He was still so small, he would be pushed out of the baby stage so soon. It's not fair to him -- he deserves to be a baby as long as he wants to. But then 3 weeks later on my brother's birthday, we had found out that I miscarried. No more babies to be born, at least not yet. I still am harboring RAGE towards the nurse who told me the news. She couldn't have been any more non-chalant about it. Like it was no big deal that we just lost a baby. It was like she was telling me I should get a flu shot. There was NO sympathy, no, if there's anything we can do, or any questions we can answer, no, if you want to talk. Why didn't she put my doctor on the phone? I could have handled the news better from her. There was no, what to expect in the next week and what will happen and the pain you will get -- OH THE PAIN I had. If I ever have to talk to her again, it will be too soon. I am still kicking my self for not writing a strongly worded letter to the hospital about her behavior (it would have had too many words like whore, bitch, nasty-ass cunt, I thought I shouldn't put that down on paper with my name signed at the bottom), or even talking to my doctor about it. But I just wanted to forget every mean tone in her voice and the words she chose to use -- FETAL DEMISE. She couldn't think of something better to say than that. As soon as I got off the phone, I googled the words, thinking it was something a little more technical and there was a reason associated with the term. A reason I had just lost a baby. But what it really means is miscarriage. Nothing more, nothing less.

And so, today as I am happy for my friend as they have been trying for a while and went through something similar just lately, I also am thinking about trying some more to have a baby I am sure I want now.

Happy 2007!!

Some inspiration to start off the new year! I hope everyone had a great New Years!


It Is Better To Be Alone than In the Wrong Company

Tell me who your best friends are and I will tell you who you are.

If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl.

But if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.

A mirror reflects a mans face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.

The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate for the good and the bad.

The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.

Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity.

An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.

As you grow, your associates will change.

Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are.

Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl.

Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream.
Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.


Consider This:

Never receive counsel from unproductive people.

Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.

Not everyone has a right to speak into your life.

You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.

Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere.

With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it.

Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life.

Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships.

Choose to rise...

Don't settle... and go for your dreams!!!

Drugs!

Brought up on Drugs

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a
methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining
county and he asked me a rhetorical question, "Why didn't we have drug
problems when you and I were growing up?"
I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young. I was drug to church
on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie,
brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of
the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in
everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if
I uttered a profane four letter word.
I was drug out to pull weeds in Mom's garden and flower beds and
cockle burs out of Dad's fields.
I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out
some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline,
or chop some firewood, and if my mother had ever known that I took a
single dime for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in
everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack,
or heroin: and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem,
America would be a better place.
Author unknown

AMEN!


(On a side note -- I don't know who wrote this, but if they want credit, let me know and I will get there name posted here. I also believe every word of this and that the world would be a different place if we had more "drugs".)

New Years Stuff

This year I resolve to write more on this blog (we'll see how that actually goes). I also resolve to quit smoking, and lose weight. So in actuality, none of this will happen. I do not have good luck with New Year's resolutions.

It was a busy month of December and there has not been much time for anything, except for life. We had a Christmas party for my dad's office and even though my husband and I don't work for him, we are invited every year by default. I drank way to much wine, as in a bottle and a half, and since I am not normally a wine drinker, this was bad news. Too drunk, too loud, too passed out on the bar... I've had better nights.

We also had 3 family Christmas' -- or how every you write that. They all went off with out a hitch, including the one at our house where I did most of the cooking, while my husband did most of the cleaning and baby watching.

We did have the mass murder of 2006 -- which sounds bad, but it really was a stain incident. My husband was staining the round top windows, because he said they would be done before Christmas. His extension ladder let go and he fell about 8 feet, landed on his feet, but the cup-o-stain hit the floor and splattered EVERYWHERE. It even hit the 14' ceiling. The splattering looked like blood because it was a darker stain and thus instantly became know as the mass murder of 2006 -- we still have to repaint 3 walls, and stain the last window. After the falling, he didn't want to finish the one in the bedroom.

Blue has learned many new words and is not shy about talking or making you do what it is he wants you do to. "Mon (as in Come on) daddy", "Reddy, Set, Goooooooo", "One, Twwooo, Sereeee, Twwooo, Sereeee, Five", still doesn't want much to do with his AB, CB, DB's.

I am looking forward to a great year full of big changes. I got 2 emails I am going to re-post here, because I think they sum up a lot of feelings of mine and a lot of good advice to everyone.

Happy New Year!