I feel like crying

I just can't explain it lately. I'm out of it. I don't want anything to do with Christmas this year. Usually my favorite holiday. I have a head cold. I have no money. I went shopping last weekend with Todd, and we got a lot of shopping done. But looking forward to this weekend, I have to take the kids to see Santa and buy a picture ($), get the usual ornaments I get every year ($, $). Buy something for my step-mom ($), something else for my sister ($). Something for Todd ($$$), pay for daycare ($). Maybe have some $$ left over to buy lunch next week and already I'm -$$$$$$$$$. Husband has money and if I ask, I'm sure he'll give me some to finish up the shopping. But I hate the feeling of not having my own money. It's like asking Dad for my allowance. I work hard all week long to help support our family and at the end of the week, I have almost NOTHING left to show for it. I hate it. I hate feeling like a deadbeat. I hate feeling like I don't contribute. I'm behind on a bunch of bills because my daycare amount doubled. No matter what I do I feel like I can't dig out of the hole I'm in and it only makes it worse because I feel like such a bad mom. I hate that I'm not excited for the Princess' first Christmas. I hate that I haven't sent out Christmas cards, or started/finished the photo book I wanted to give for Christmas. I hate that even if I was done with the book, I couldn't afford to order it anyways. I hate that I have a bunch of Thank you's to mail, but can't afford the postage. You might wonder why I don't just ask Todd for money, because. Because he spends his money on more important things, like the house payment and the water bill and the gas and electric. I can't barely even afford to buy any groceries and now I should ask him for money to buy stamps???? I just hate it.

Head Colds are for the Birds

I hate being sick. I hate even more when you sound sick but feel okay. I have a head cold. My nose is stuffed up, yet is runny. I sound like I should be near death. I'm tired and want to lay down. But I actually feel pretty ok. I've been on the phone this morning and everyone tells me I sound terrible. I also have a stupid pathetic cough that sounds like I'm faking it. I'm a mouth breather now too, because of the stuffed up nose.

This weekend, we had Weo come over to our house. Friday night we took the monkey's to my Dad's house. Then we picked them up, +1 (Weo) and went back to our house. Blue and Weo played and played and played some more. They are "best friends". Or as Weo likes to say it sometimes, "Blue we're Best My Friend." The tore the house apart, then picked it up (Ok I made them pick it up). Then the tore it apart again. They made forts, and played CARS, they watched the movie, they watched Sponge Bob and The Fairly Odd Parents. They were up until almost 11. I know, I know I should have made them go to bed, but I had them snuggled in on the couch at about 8.30 or 9 with all the lights off and I thought they would just go to sleep. I thought wrong. Sunday they were both super helpful. They both wanted to feed the Pink One. They took turns holding her bottle. Then we packed them all up and headed East to Grandpa and Grandma's.

We dropped them off and Todd and I went to each lunch. After lunch we decided it was maybe time to get on the Christmas shopping. You know since we hadn't started yet and it is only 11 days until Christmas. So we hit Costco, Target and Office Max. We walked in to Office Max at 36 degrees F, and 15 minutes later walked out to 22 degrees F, and an iced over parking lot. We decided it was time to go home. Especially since we'd have to put our kids in the truck and drive with all the other crazies on slippery roads.

We got home and unpacked, ate dinner and I was out cold (ha ha get it) by 8.30. This head cold is kicking my butt. I have ZERO energy for anything besides surviving. It's all I can do to get out of bed in the middle of the night to feed the Pink.

I'm hoping it goes away soon. I'm gonna need all my reserves to make thru Christmas. I am so far behind and have NO Christmas spirit this year. Which makes me feel even worse, because it's the Pink's first Christmas and I want it to be special. I need to kick it in gear.

Hair Pie

Our neighbor came over last night to watch the Bears game. He's a Vikes fan, but didn't get the channel the Bears were on last night, and last nights game had implications on whether the Vikes could clinch the division. So anyways, after we dove in to the beer, for the second time this week, I didn't get to bed until after 2 am. But in reminiscing of old times, we were telling stories, and our neighbor has a memory of an elephant. He can remember everything -- be careful what you do. He won't let you forget it.

But we were talking about when Todd and I were building our first house. Todd was doing a lot of work on it, including being the job supervisor. We were out at the house after a horrible rain. It had rained like 10 ft in 10 minutes. He was walking around in the basement and trying to decide if we could pour the basement floor. I said NO that it was too wet. He said, I'm going down there to see, it can't be that wet. So as he's walking around in his NEW shoes in our wet clay basement, with a layer of sand over it, he decides that it's not that bad and we should probably pour. He goes over to the one corner to check it out and his one foot sinks in! So he tries to step with the other one to get out, and THAT ONE SINKS IN TOO!! He yells to me to help him, and I go running, what he thinks is for a shovel. Instead I come back with my camera and nothing else. He was completely stuck there, up to his knees, both feet. Between the sand, and the clay and the wet, he was completely sucked down -- NO ESCAPING. And while he was sitting there, literally stuck in the mud, I snapped a few pictures and finally after he had had about all the embarrassment he could take he said "Fuck it then, give me a cigarette!" So he sat down in the mud and we smoked and laughed. I had to throw out about a 100 or so I Told You So's, because I was right about it being too wet to pour.

Then after I made him sit there for quite some time, I handed him a shovel, and watched as he tried to dig himself out. That was almost funnier. Imagine, trying to dig yourself out with out taking off a knee cap or two. He got 2 scoops out and knew it wasn't going to work he handed me one end of the shovel and I pulled him to freedom. I had forgotten about all of this until the neighbor reminded is. He didn't even live there at the time. Our house was the first one on our street. I really need to find those pictures.

As it got later in to the evening/morning Neighbor started talking about Family Guy. We don't watch this show. We can't quite get the humor, and we have small children who pick up on EVERYTHING! So we watched a few clips online, I had the laptop out and was playing online. {Side note: As we sit around and drink beer and watch football, or just bullshit, I'm usually on the computer checking blogs. So as the boys talk about things, I Google them and give answers. For example, a few weekends ago they were taking about why John Madden doesn't fly. They didn't ask me to look it up. I hit Wikipedia and all of a sudden I was like, OK here's why he doesn't fly. This happened several times last night. Suddenly, I just have the answer to all of life's questions. They find very good humor in it. It could be 5 topics later they are talking about and I'm back at why John Madden doesn't fly. That answer can be found here.} We watched the clip of when Meg makes a pie for Brian and she puts her own hair in it. It's so gross and so funny. I might have to give the show another chance.

After much laughter, I decided it was well past my bedtime on a school night and hurried off to bed. Should be an interesting night, we are suppose to go and see Hairband with them. I can't wait!

Already

Already, I've fallen off my 'I'm blogging everyday.' But it's with good reason. I was sick yesterday. Very sick. I wanted to puke all day. But luck for me, I didn't. Thankfully Amma came over and watched the kids while Todd and I were out of commission. There were 6 kids out sick at daycare this week. So far Blue hasn't been hit. The Pink One threw up a few times but over all, she's doing pretty good. So now I'm back and am really making an effort at this.

Have a great night.

100

This my 100th post. Not bad for nearly 2 and half years of blogging. I'm right on top of this. So in honor of 100 posts I'm going to post... well I don't know. It should be something good. I didn't even know this was coming up. I just happened to notice today when I logged in. So I'm totally unprepared. I kind of feel like when you're up for an award, and you don't make a speech because you know you won't win, AND THEN YOU WIN. Well it's really nothing like that, but exactly like that -- UNPREPARED. And if I were a dedicated blogger and had an actual reader, I'd probably ask that person what I should write about.

I guess in the mean time I have hit my goal of blogging every day. FOR 3 DAYS STRAIGHT!!!!

100, 100, 100 -- when I think of 100 it actually makes me think of counting and counting makes me think of the vision I have in my head of the way numbers count. This doesn't make sense until I explain it. When I start counting I count 1, 2, 3 -- but I have a picture in my head that goes with it. 1 at the bottom, then 2 on top, then 3. When I get to 10 the numbers then go from right to left, counting over to 20 then they go up again from 21 - 29, then 30 is next to 20, on it's right side of course. This is totally messed up, when I count, there is a very specific picture in my head. I'm going to draw a picture then upload so you can see in to the mind of a crazy. It's up there at the top, because I can't get it to go down here where I want it.

I don't know why (she swallowed the fly, perhaps she die...Can you say ADD ), but I've always saw this picture in my head since I can remember and that's just how numbers look when you count them. THE END.

Feeling Left Out

This morning Blue woke up and told me about the dream he had. He said that we had went to the neighbors to give him the wooden ladder and he was sad because we wouldn't let him come with us. I told him it was just a dream and that if we went to the neighbors we would let him come with. He said "Thank you mommy."

The night before he had a similar dream, and I don't remember what it was about, but he was feeling left out in that one too. I guess we need to spend a bit more time with him, alone, just him. I thought we had been spending a fair amount of time with him. I thought we were doing things with him alone. I thought we were not ignoring him. I thought we were making a point of treating him special. I guess it's not enough. We need to bring our A game to parenting.

We took the kids and Amma to a waterpark last weekend for Thanksgiving. We spent the whole weekend with him. We played in the water. We sat in the hot tub. Only after he went to bed, or was down for watching cartoons, did Todd and I go and do something else.

I love that he is old enough and smart enough to tell us what he needs. To tell us "hey fuckers, member me? I love you too." He doesn't just pitch bucky fits, he tells us what's wrong. He talks to us. And I can always tell when he needs more love, because he asks to sit on my lap. Or he'll say in a very sad voice, "I love you."

I guess he needs more mom and dad time. I think we'll spend this weekend decorating for Christmas and putting up the tree. I'll try to make some memories, good ones instead of bad dreams.

The King and The Queen

The Blue One has adjusted so very well to having the The Pink One around. He is not jealous or mean. He is so very sweet to her. He loves having the job of being "in charge." We race to see who can give her "all the kisses." It's his job to tell me when she cries (even if I can hear her). Today he was barking orders for someone to "put the nookie in!" He knows that being a big brother is a very important job. He knows it's his job to teach her things. When she cries, he sings to her, usually the ABC's. I think he has even been teaching her how to suck her thumb. I just know she'll be a thumb baby. When she was about a week old, she managed to find her thumb into her mouth, but since then she has been sucking on her hand a ton. He smothers her in kisses. He is so gentle. Two days ago he held her and gave her a bottle. I don't think in my whole life I have ever seen someone so proud of something. I don't think I'll ever see that look again. You could see on his face that he knew he was doing an important thing. You could see the love he has for his sister. They will be the best of friends and the worst of enemies at times, but I will never forget that moment. They were bonding and it melts my heart. I catch him talking to her all the time. He sings her Old McDonald Had a Farm and tells her stories. He will teach her so many things and they will get in to lots of trouble. But I can't wait for the ride. He will protect her and threaten to beat up people who are mean to her. He will teach her to be tough and how to play baseball. He will help her learn to crawl and then walk. He'll pick her up when she falls down. He will hug her when she cries. I couldn't ask for a better big brother for her and I know she will feel the same.

Random Weekend

Today was one of those days that needed to happen around here. I had been neglecting the laundry, the dishes, the house cleaning. We had a busy week last week, and I just couldn't bring myself to do the mundane. So today was catch up day. Blue and I came home from staying at Amma's and got to work. We even had time to make killer meatloaf. Even after all of the house cleaning, I still couldn't get Todd to say something nice about it. I had to ask him if he liked it. This drives me crazy. I don't need big production, but a simple, Thanks for doing that, or the house looks good, would have been nice. Plus I was watching 2 kids all day while I had to try and get it done. Lucky for me Blue was a HUGE help. He likes to be a big helper and do "chores."

He is the super cutest big brother. He is constantly kissing and hugging her telling her "you're so sweet." Friday I called Amma to talk, but asked Blue if he wanted to talk to his sister (she was squirming and making some noise so he could hear her). I put the phone up to her, and he was on the other line, she started to cry, so I pulled the phone away so I could pick her up and I could hear him on the other line "It's okay, It's okay." He was saying it in the most soothing voice, just like I would say it.

Introducing The Pink One

She is the most beautiful girl I think I have ever seen. It doesn't hurt that she looks EXACTLY like me! She has a ton of black hair and blue eyes. Everyone says she has my eyes and that they sparkle like mine. I really like this comment. I think my eyes are one of my best features, and to know that she has them too, is so wonderful. Blue thinks she is great. He loves being a big brother. He also loves it when I tell him "he's in charge." He has to watch her and tell me if she cries when I go to the bathroom, or into the other room for a minute. He is always asking if she can come and lay by him. He likes to watch cartoons in our bedroom and the basket she sleeps in is on the bed. So when we are watching TV in the living room he would rather that she lay in the basket by him. He talks to her all the time and calls her a "little rascal."

About a week after we came home, we were eating lunch and she was in the bedroom in her bassinet, and she made a noise. So KM said he would go and check on her, to see if she needed her nookie. He was only gone for a few minutes, but it seemed like forever when they were alone. Husband looked at me and said "You don't think he's trying to pick her up do you?" I said I don't think so but I'll go and check. So I walked in to our room and there he was, stool pulled up next to the bassinet so he could sit and watch her. He was leaning on his arms, just looking at her. It was the most precious moment. I took a picture of them. I have this same picture, from when I came home from the hospital, of my brother lovingly looking at me the same way. I'll never forget how sweet he looked, just looking at her.

She is the most perfect addition to our family.

What's next, dating??

Yesterday KM took Amma's phone and started running away. She said "Get back here with that!"

His answer, "NO I'M TEXTING!!"

(He's 3 and a half.)

Then later we asked him what Texting means, he said something about monsters, and Amma.

Blue has a random thought pattern

Things he said today:

Mommy my brain hurts.
I want my hair back! What hair I asked him? The hair they cut off last time!
I'm gonna give the baby all the kisses.
She's wide open mom. (means she is awake.)

I would eat him if it were legal!

Saturday, Auntie took some pictures of KM and I. He has been the super cutest with my belly and I knew I would be disappointed if I didn't take some pictures of him with it. It was super super windy out, but they turned out really cute. The one of us standing and he's kissing my belly -- I'm totally having this framed. I figured since Auntie is going to go to school in the fall for photography, I would let her have a shot at it. I think she did a great job. I am also going to have her take some once the baby is here. Which by the way that I feel, may be today. I feel like total crap and have doctors appointment at 12.45. If not before, then at the very least this baby will make her appearance next Monday, July 21st. We have scheduled a c-section. Also, I have her "room" done. We finished it yesterday with the help of my mom. She is God's gift to mothers and I don't know what I would do with out her.

In My Head All Day

I can't stop listening to this song. I love it!!! Reminds me of being young and in love -- you know, High School love. Carefree, nothing to do all day, go to parties at night, flirt with boys, dancing in the bed of trucks (something I know a thing or two about.)



I guess I'll never be back there since baby number 2 is only days away. But I can dream right?!

You need a license to drive, but not to breed?!

Last night I had to go to a driving class. I was pulled over for speeding, and instead of making me pay the full ticket amount, they let me take a driving class. The class is 2 hours long and is $75.00. I'm sure the ticket would have been at least $130.00. Saved some money, but the nice part is after the class is over, as long as you stayed until the end, the shred your ticket and it doesn't go on your record. These are some of the comments I had to put up with during the 2 hours.

Stupid Human #1-So if you have whiskey plates can they pull you over?
Officer Butch -- If you are speeding, or something than yes we can pull you over. Do we pull you over just for having whiskey plates? No.
SH #1 -- Oh, really. You can still get pulled over with whiskey plates.
(This dumb ass thought that if you had whiskey plates, for some reason it gives you a year pass at not being pulled over).

SH #2 -- Did you know that in Arizona when you renew your license it's good for 30 years?
(This doesn't sound so stupid, until you know that we weren't even talking about licenses, or renewals or anything closely related. He just felt the need to tell everyone.)

SH #3 -- How come when you pull people over, you don't pull them over in to a parking lot or something?
(We were discussing the Tom Foss Law -- a law that protects officers who have people pulled over on the side of the road. It says, if there is a lane available, drivers MUST move over a lane to give the officer more room. Tom Foss was killed on the road side while he had someone pulled over.)
OB -- Um, because we are not driving the other vehicle.
SH #3 -- Well, why don't you tell them to pull over somewhere else.
OB -- Sometimes we are on the freeway and there isn't a parking lot, plus we don't have control over where they pull over.
SH #3 -- Cuz when I pull over, I pull WAY over, I mean like, WAY over to the side of the road, like in the ditch almost. I really mean WAY over. It just seems like it would be a good idea if you pulled them over somewhere else.
(What dip shit #3 doesn't quite get is that Officer Butch, or any officer is not actually driving the other car as well, so when someone pulls over to the side of the road, he doesn't' get to chose where they pull over.)

SH #3 (again) -- {Really loud} I'VE SEEN THIS ONE, THE GUY ENDS UP IN THE BACKSEAT.
(Great, no one gives a rat's ass that you have seen this 30 second clip!)

SH #4 -- My son came home from school and they told him that if he gets pulled over and he has his cell phone on him, and it's in his pocket, but it's turned on, the officer can ask to see it and give him a ticket.
OB -- If we pull him over for something, we'll give him a ticket for that, we're not going to ask to see his cell phone. We can't prove that it was on or off. Plus we don't care. If he was taking on it, then we can ticket him for that because he's under 18.

I swear the dumber just keep getting dumber. I was ready to strangle someone at the end of the class. Did you all get together and see who could come up with the dumbest questions to ask during class to make it as miserable as possible?? The class really wouldn't have been bad without all the douche bags asking stupid questions and making stupid comments. Next time, I'll seriously consider paying the whole ticket, just to keep my sanity.

He's so cute

Things Blue has said to me in the past week:

This morning we walked outside and it was snowing, he said, "Look Mommy, the sparkles. The sparkles are in the sky."

Friday, March 21, he asked me if I would call the Easter Bunny.
I said sure, what do you want me to ask him.
He said, ask him if he'll fix our CARS (movie).
I said anything else?
He said, ask him if he'll fix our Lion King.
I said, it's not broken and doesn't need to be fixed.
Ok, then ask him if he'll fix our CARS and bring it to our house.(And luckily enough, that Easter Bunny, not only came to our house, he brought us a NEW CARS movie.)
I then picked up the phone to call Amma to see what time she would be over to pick up KM, she didn't answer so I just hung up and he asked me -- Mom, was that the Easter Bunny?
No, it was Amma.
Oh, you call the Easter Bunny.
I said I would later -- he was busy making Easter baskets.
Oh, ok.

Mom, I have to go with Grandpa. We have business to do.

This morning when the alarm went off, Blue was sleeping in bed with me and he rolled over and hit the snooze button, but before that he made a huge groan. Like he had been waking up to this alarm clock, EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE AND HE JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! He is far to young to know that, that is what he has to look forward to.

Mommy, you have a little fat belly.
I asked him what I keep in there, mostly he says "a baby" with this weird mischievous tone and smile (like daddy doesn't know about it), but yesterday I asked him what I keep in there and he said "SNACKS".

Blue Video

Blue from about a year ago. My sister taped this. And since I am so computer savvy, and really into detail -- I rotated it for you. You're welcome. Ok, I'm just lazy and don't feel like it.

Enjoy! I have watched this about 50 times. He's just so darned cute!!

I am not good at this

I am really no good at keeping up on this. Even though I think about it almost daily. Then I find something else that needs to be done and don't come back to make a post.

Life has been, well life lately. Nothing overly exciting going on. I am pregnant, which most people would find pretty exciting, I however, and keeping it low key for now. We've been through this before where it did not end well and I am trying not to get my hopes up. At least not just yet. Plus I have been feeling very yucky every night, and it's hard to be excited about that. Due at the end of July, right about Amma's birthday as a matter of fact. Guess I can cross "Buy Amma's birthday present" off my list!! Husband has been great. He takes good care of me when I feel like ASS. Blue has been his normally cute self. He has his moments of driving me CRAZY, but then he tells me that I'm his best fwend and I guess I can forgive him one more time!

His latest thing is to tell me that I am a bad singer, and then ask me to sing him his favorite song, The Big Cow Song. So I do, because that's what mom's do.

We are in the middle of big life decisions that need to be made and we are having a very hard time with it. We know what we want to do, but there is always the money factor. We have a bit of time before we HAVE to decide, but it would be nice to be done and moved on with this before the baby arrives.

And as always, I am still hoping to write that book. I know seems silly, what do I have to write a book about? I think my life is sort of interesting and I have lived and learned a lesson or two about a couple of topics. But does that mean anyone else will want to read my book, or think it's worth publishing? And do I write all my stuff in one book, or could I be interesting enough for more than one book? And on top of all that, how would I even go about finding someone who wants to publish said book? And even if I did find someone who wants to publish it, since I am so fantastic at keeping up on the writing thing (ahem, see this blog), would I ever actually write it and be done with it? I guess I get my self sort of excited when I ready Stephanie's blog, Greek Tragedy. She is publishing her 2nd book and it will be out in May. It was only this past September I believe that she had finished with her rough draft. She makes it seems so simple and easy, and I think to my self, "I could do that." But, alas, here I am, not writing on this blog or on a book that I would hope one day to publish. So for now, I'll just keep keeping the notes that I have been and hopefully it will one day write it self in to a book.

Until that day happens, I'm going to once again, try harder to post more.